Earlier this month I picked up a book by the famous R&B rapper, Russ, titled “Get out of your way – it’s all in your head” – I decided to remix his book title as the title of this post to draw your attention on this matter. In the United States, May is mental health awareness month and at the tail of this month, I need to stress that this awareness needs to be addressed as often as possible (not just one month) in the culture we live in today, especially with this current climate.
In Russ’s book, he documents and tells the journey of his rise from being a struggling bedroom musician to the global phenom he is today. What is particularly different about the way he told his journey was that he explained everything from his mental point of view – what he was thinking and feeling during specific moments in his journey, how he dealt with the agonizing years of absolutely nothing to show for besides his own self-belief (aka his own delusion) that he was on the right path doing the right things he needed to do. Feeling alone, being broke, and not getting the opportunity he felt he deserved is a tale all too common for artists, creatives, and entrepreneurs alike.
Ultimately, the book narrates all of the mental roadblocks and obstacles one must face when attempting to reach certain goals and accomplishments you have set for yourself. Opinions and feedback from your so-called friends, family, and peers can be the challenge you face but the ultimate enemy is YOU – your own negative voices and negative thoughts that can take you down a spiral or worst- to quit before you have even given yourself a fair chance to go after it.
It’s all in your head how you perceive external challenges and feedback. It’s all in your head how you react to external negativity or doubt, which can be self-induced or magnified by others if you let it get to you. It’s all in your head how you carry the heavy burden to keep moving forward. Our mental awareness is what drives our actions that deliver the results we have set for ourselves; lacking this mental awareness will lead you down a dangerous path of self-destruction because you will let external circumstances and forces bring you down every single time.
If it is indeed true that all things good and bad are interpreted in our own heads and we can oftentimes be our own worst enemy then the only action we must take every single day is to literally GET OUT OF OUR OWN F*CKING HEAD…..NOW! But how one might ask!? The answer is simple, the path to get there won’t be easy but it is absolutely necessary if you want to live a healthier life mentally and spiritually as you continue your journey to reach your goals, let’s take a look at the step-by-step on how to get out of your own head.
STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM GAME
Please….just f*cking stop! Do you really think you’re the ONLY ONE going through difficult times? That your obstacles and troubles in life are only unique to you? Get out of your head my friend with this type of thinking. To think that you’re the victim of your circumstance is a sure-fire way you’ll never accomplish anything great because you refuse to believe that you are in control of all this. Instead, you point the finger outward towards the world, and you blame everything that isn’t going your way. You come up with your own bias confirmations as a way to make yourself feel better of a particular shitty situation you’re dealing with. You refuse to believe that YOU are the source of everything that’s happening to you instead, you believe that life is out to get you.
Playing the victim mentality ultimately puts you on a path of bitterness as you see your peers and others accomplish the same goals you have set for yourself. You make up stories in your head that they did it because of XYZ reasons, that they must’ve had all the help and resources to get there. While you might be right about that, you are so wrong in thinking because they have all the help and resources and you don’t- that is the reason why you can’t reach your goals. How f*cking sad to think like that…I’m literally tearing up writing this because this is what most of you do to yourselves, it pains me to know that people drag themselves down and suffer alone in their own heads.
Changing the narrative of your life by ending the blame game and stopping the victim mentality is the very first step you must take to get out of your own head. The external world we face each day is already a major challenge. Why make it harder on yourself by internalizing the reasons you always fail? Why not make this a little easier by internalizing all of the reasons why you will succeed?
Try it out now, which mental thought made you feel good about yourself? The thought of your failure or the thought of your success? I would like to believe that the thought of your own success made you feel better rather than the thought of your own failure correct? If the emotions are accurate with your thoughts, then it should be super clear what you need to fill your head with constantly: positive possibilities with a deep awareness (and belief) that you can overcome any obstacles. Without getting rid of your own victim mentality and self-sabotaging thoughts, you cannot move forward because you will always be the one who limits your own potential – stop that shit now.
START BELIEVING IN YOURSELF
After you have stopped the negative self-talk and self-destructive behaviors (such as playing the victim game) the next thing you must do is to start believing in yourself! Before I go deeper into this I just want to shut down any of you who are thinking “OH GOD, here he goes again with that belief crap and positive shit again”
Yep, that’s right! And here you go once again with your dismissive negative-thinking patterns and you wonder why you’re in such a mental rut all the time? To dismiss the thought of self-belief is to dismiss your own dreams and goals period. Have you ever met a successful athlete, musician, or entrepreneur who didn’t believe in themselves? Me neither!
You set yourself up to win every single day just by having this mentality regardless of what your external circumstances are, no matter how crazy or delusional you might sound to others – don’t let that stop you from believing in yourself. This is what has helped me push through some of the most difficult times here at 6AM – I have believed in myself every day for 14-years since launching in March 2008. I believed that I could build something amazing for the global electronic music community even though no one can see it at the time when all I had was an idea and my loud-mouth explaining how it will work.
When there was nothing to show the world (or in this case my friends), the only thing that kept me excited and motivated were the thoughts in my head. To my mind, I have already been in this position I am today a long time ago – I just needed to put in the work and let time do its thing before I can finally say “tadaaa~~ here it is!” – My older brother, Ken, has been my witness because I would share all of this crazy thing that is here now with him, on our drive back from work during the 2008/2009 period of my life.
Now please understand that you cannot just “think” or “believe” your way to success which is where I often get my biggest pushbacks from the non-believers. Obviously, you have to put in the work! But as you go through the rigorous process just keep telling yourself that you can do this, you are working for it and you will embrace obstacles as opportunities for growth. Self-belief doesn’t have to be this grand majestic thought where you see yourself riding a white pony into your castle of success and abundance; it can be as simple as “Hey, I got this shit!” and boom off you go to tackle your day – that’s self-belief right there! If anything, that’s the type of self-talk you need to have instead of this grand imagination that’s floating in your head; that’s daydreaming and not really a method to use for self-belief.
Next time you’re in a mirror try doing this in the morning:
- Stare intensely into the mirror for 15 seconds (it’ll give you a slight out of body experience)
- Say it loud and clear with intense emotion “I got this shit”
- Then go tackle your day
Tell me how you feel after that – I just shared with you a piece of my morning routine on how I shake off anxiety and the pressure of work I am about to face. Simply saying “I got this!” with strong intention is one of the most powerful forms of self-belief exercise you can do for yourself.
Before you actually sit down and open your laptop or whatever it is you need to start the work, you must believe you can accomplish it, or else any objections or obstacles you face will only bring you down- especially if you run into serious challenges that require extra mental strength and resilience to push through.
Start believing in yourself today and start living the life you deserve for yourself. There’s nothing worse than seeing talented and driven individuals get knocked down because they lacked the ability to believe in themselves. Oftentimes, people give up or quit not because of anything, but the mere fact that they don’t believe they can overcome them or that the challenges are too great or the juice is not worth the squeeze. Whatever (valid) excuses they tell themselves can all be pinpointed to the fact that somewhere along the way they lost complete hope, faith, and belief in themselves. Don’t let that be you…
CREATE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM
Now that we have tackled what you need to stop doing (playing the victim game) and what you need to start doing (believe in yourself) it’s time to build the foundation to ensure nothing will stop you from your mission and that’s creating your own support system. I’m gonna be frank here, creating your support system is the hardest thing you will need to face but I would have to say it is the most important thing you must do for yourself.
It took me about 11-12 years to finally create my support system with the people I know who genuinely want to see me succeed and let me tell you, it feels pretty f*cking amazing having their 10000% support but it was a difficult journey to finally reach this point.
The reason why it’s so difficult to create a true supporting system is that you have to get your friends/family and peers to buy in on your mission aka your success, and then ask them to fully support you and cheer you on all the time. Let’s be real, that level of support for your friends/fam/peers sounds exhausting – who would really do that for you? Do you currently offer this type of support to all your friends and peers? I doubt it.
Most of our friends and fam want us to do good for ourselves, just not better than them (read that again). With that being the default intention of human nature, it makes it extremely difficult for the average person to create that support system that is so vital for growth and prosperity.
If you were like me before struggling to find your support system, my best advice for you now is to start online with strangers. Huh? Don’t be confused now, from 2017 through the present day I have created my support system with the following people online: Gary Vee, Tom Bilyeu, Mel Robbins, Ryan Holiday, Jim Rohn, Eric Thomas, Joe Rogan, Tony Robbins, Jocko Willink, Craig Ballantyne and many more. I turned to them because I had no one in my real life to turn to for this type of support I needed. If you look up any of their names, you will see that not only are they high-performers who have done amazing shit in their lives but their entire mantra now is to motivate and educate others to do better. They were able to inject a sense of self-belief and confidence that no one was able to give me until I made them a part of my life even though they have no f*cking idea who I am! Your support system should make you feel stronger and more confident so that you can use that energy.
Over 5-years of being surrounded by their energy and words I have unknowingly built up my mental strength to where it is today – unbreakable. I then took this new strength I developed and went to my closest people which included business partners, significant others, the people who I work with daily, and friends who I consider my fam. I went to all of them with no conviction and boldly asked for their full and unconditional support. I explained to them why I needed to share this with them and why I need them to support me even if some may not agree with my choices – it doesn’t f*cking matter. I just needed to know I have their unconditional support because it’s important to me. It took me a very long time to finally build the mental strength to communicate this to them with my full intention.
source: www.instagram.com/jia6am
In return, I told them that they have my utmost support in ALL that they wish to accomplish in life whether it’s as simple as buying a puppy or aiming to be the next big shot in their industry- they have my undying support because I have realized how important it is for my circle to create their own support system and I want to be there for them. I want to be their support system!
Now for you, chances are you are on your path in trying to find that support. As you begin to identify who they could be or who they are, you can add one more name to that list and that’s me – my email is jia@6amgroup.co and you can reach me anytime – use the subject line “Get out of your head” so I know where the email is referencing from.
Because I have gone through this journey (and am still on it) I know very well how hard it is to find that “true” support. You know what I’m talking about when I say “true” support – not the fluffed versions from most of our peers and friends, but a sense of support that deeply cares about your journey and offers you strength and confidence to keep going. This is the only feeling you should have when you have found your real support – a sense of confidence to keep pushing through.
That kind of support is rare to get in real-life, which is why so many of us first turn to online coaches because that’s where there is an abundance of them. But having online coaches isn’t enough, you need real-life support from people you respect and love. Nothing beats that support and when I mean nothing beats it I’m talking about not even your own negative demons on your worst day because that support system won’t allow you to hit rock bottom. If you do hit rock bottom, that support system is right there with you lifting you up and pulling you out of your misery. The reason why creating your support system is so important is that no matter how strong-minded you are; you will need their support on your worst days and those days can bring down the strongest of all people.
While the journey is yours alone to walk on, the support you get doesn’t have to feel lonely and it shouldn’t be. Find the strength to build this support system and watch how much more confidence that will give you knowing that you have people (whether online or real-life) who support you and who want to see you grow beyond your potential.
The concept is simple but the journey won’t be easy; nothing in life worth pursuing is ever easy so get over that fact and do whatever you need to do to get out of your own f*cking head – you got this! I know you do…
The words and advice given here are solely those of the author of the post and in no way shape or form should be taken as “professional help” on the subject of mental health. To seek professional services and counseling I suggest visiting www.betterhelp.com – one of the leading online resources to cope with serious mental health issues.